We landed.

You know how I go on, so you’re probably surprised in that I really don’t want to talk about it.  Maybe that says a lot about the way we landed.  The words, “In the event of a water landing,” may now be triggering for me.

On the other hand, I can now say with confidence that the lake being was pretty darn male, because there was at least five seconds (more than adequate time while gliding) of total crotch scenery.

See?  Now we can share some scars.  Don’t go and get yourself tattoo’d with anything, but I’ve heard that shared pain is lessened.  I feel so much better now knowing I can use the correct pronoun.

Artur reverted to tree-thing as we ran down the hill.  Nikolai made a yelp-like sound and joined us at a run.  This pleased me, as I had worried about what had happened to the hound.

I mentally added a monthly gym cost to my slim bank account.  You know what would be cool?  A gym set up kind of like the library.  Um, I’m busy running so I can’t explain what I mean by that, but if they’re concerned about obesity in this country, they should make health a heck of a lot cheaper.  [Without being political, of course. Practitioners have the regular run of political variety, but there was a symposium a few years ago I attended that considered why there were so few in public office (all jokes about pacts with the infernal aside.)  I was unsurprised to find out that few cared about “mortal law,” and disappointed to see how few were registered to vote.  Honestly, I don’t think we’re a big enough franchise to move numbers across the board, but politicians don’t really cater to our demographic.  Besides, what kind of issues do we have that are specific to our needs?  More troops to guard our metaphysical borders?  A citizen can dream, can’t he?]

“That was the throne.  The entrance is directly across, just not in the same scale,” I managed.  If that indicates I wasn’t running as fast as I could because I could spit words out, that had more to do with the fact that in text it looks a lot more like a coherent sentence.  It was more of an exaggerated William-Shatner-reading-breathy-porn delivery.

Although, really, that whole seven-league-step thing kind of made our adrenaline-hyped dash quite silly in retrospect.  I think mostly it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Artur grunted – he could make more distance in each stride, but I was pleased to point out that while it moved him quickly, my feet rose and fell more so we were fairly well matched.  Nikolai was dashing, but he had four feet to ours, so as long as he had the stamina, we wouldn’t have to sacrifice him to whatever was following.

Which was…nothing.  Apparently the splashing we had heard was a matter of the lake king deciding to go back to sleep.  Frankly, I didn’t know whether or not to be chuffed about it.  I mean, he could have crushed us with tons and tons of water at any point, but I would have preferred all that running to have been for a reason.

We slowed down after a few minutes and turned around.  I decided to flop back on my back for a moment and just breathe loudly.  Nikolai kept sniffing around.  He actually moved away in order to shake off some of the water, so I was only hit by a fine mist.

“In answer to your question,” Artur wheezed, “I thought the area between the cliffs was a good choice.”

“Oh.  So that’s why we,” hack, cough, wheeze, sit up, lay back down, “headed that way.”

“And it was the only way out…”

“Practical.  What was that thing?”

“I think it was a son of the Morskoi Tsar.”  He translated for me.  “The Water King.”

“Oh.”  I was ready to put the name into my phone, and then sat up with a curse.  “I hope Prince Lake Monster didn’t just void the warranty with his shower,” I grumbled.  I was soaked, but I had worn my jacket, and the phone seemed to be fine, and my pockets waterproof.  Not bad for a thrift store find.  I was getting kind of low on battery, but I expected that.

“So.  Not the way to the dragon.”  I sighed.  “Did Ivan lie?”

“Pravda?” Artur laughed.  I remembered the word from elementary social studies classes, so I followed his meaning.  “He’s a sorceror.  Therefore, he lies.”

“Bigot,” I called him on it.

“How many sorcerors have you known?” Artur asked.

“Irrelevant, but I will agree that this hasn’t been a good example for the group.”  I frowned.  “I liked him.”

“Of course you do.  He is like Jack.”

I caught myself before I said I didn’t know Jack.  “Which Jack?”

“All the Jacks.  He is an Ivan, and Ivans are clever and likable.  They are also butchers of friends.  There should be a saying.  `It is easier to be butcher of friends, for goats are more suspicious.'”

I laughed until I coughed some more.  “I will try to remember that and use it someday.”   I finished coughing and stood back up.  Artur had somehow rooted into the ground, and was looking fairly refreshed.  “What are you, anyway?  Some kind of ent?”

He seemed put out.  “I’ve lived in the U.S. most of my life.   I watch at least four hours of television a day.  But what do we talk about?  The things that make me different.  My father was not an elderberry bush.”

“So your mother wasn’t a hamster.  What, do you want to talk about sports?”

“I’m a Broncos fan.”

“Uh, football, right?”  I grinned.  “Now that I can breathe again, how about how we are going to find this dragon?  I don’t suppose you know the Questor, do you?”

“Oh, sure, but I have a better suggestion.”  He sighed.  “We’re going to have to talk with Vasilisa the Wise.”

“Where can we find him?”

Artur just chuckled.  “That reminds me of a story…”