I busied myself in the kitchen for a while, thinking. Changed the sheets and made the bed, set some laundry going, and turned on some music while I took a quick glance at my e-mail. A quick glance ran about an hour even after my awesome use of filters, but I had been ignoring some of the details. Luckily, my mp3 karma was fabulous. (I understand there’s development in programs that meet your mood, and yes, I have some great Pandora stations, but sometimes it’s just nice to load up the library and hit “random.” I fancy the “personal soundtrack” power as long as it has volume control and an awesome selection.) I was in the middle of forgetting the passing of time entirely when another call blipped up on my phone.<\/p>\n
“Hey, E!” Ed sounded like he was in a good mood.<\/p>\n
“Hey!” I responded while browsing my special Google Alert about dragon sightings. Ninety percent of it was cryptozoology conspiracy sites, and 9 to some ridiculous decimals was trying to sell me knick-knacks, but just in case…<\/p>\n
“Heard anything from the girls?” he asked.<\/p>\n
“Nah. I figure Mags is going to hunker down in her magical bunker and try to gather up troops before she makes any real sorties. It’ll all be supernatural and no one will care in the end.” I sighed. “Oh, wait, no, that was another celestial dragon.”<\/p>\n
“That was a non-sequitur,” Ed corrected. <\/p>\n
“Sorry – distracted.” <\/p>\n
“So you’re cynical on autopilot?”<\/p>\n
I closed the message and paid attention. “Sylvie called, but I forgot to call her back.”<\/p>\n
“That’s a point against you in the ladies score book. Two points and you have to bring her flowers.”<\/p>\n
“Huh.” I considered it. “So is the aim to build points or stay neutral?”<\/p>\n
“Gaming the system only leads to heartbreak,” Ed said. “Which reminds me, the DM’s back in town. We’ll schedule via e-mail.” He cleared his throat. “Did you consider what I asked you last night?”<\/p>\n
“Um. Frankly, I don’t remember. I’m sure I did. I did a lot of considering. And I did some considering this morning. I’m made of consider.”<\/p>\n
“I just need to see that you’re serious about dropping the Nagster.”<\/p>\n
“Hey, that’s my name for her.” I grinned. “Of course I am.” I waited. “What’s it to you? You want to date her?” I tried to sound mock-suspicious. <\/p>\n
“No!” he said, too quickly, but also with enough veracity that while I probably had razzing rights, I wasn’t going to take them. “I’m just looking out for a friend.”<\/p>\n
“So a friend of yours wants to date her?” I felt I was entitled to tease him that much, at least.<\/p>\n
He sighed. “You should call the girl.”<\/p>\n
“No, really,” I said, “you’re being kind of pushy. What’s the deal?”<\/p>\n
“Do you have any good reason not to call her?” he asked.<\/p>\n
“Um.” I couldn’t possibly have sounded embarrassed over the phone, but the delay was probably telling.<\/p>\n
“She’s not your type, succubi overdose has turned you gay, you had a sex-change during your mysterious disappearance?” he proposed.<\/p>\n
“Can succubi overdose do anything besides wear you out?” I asked, curious.<\/p>\n
“I guess they just turn into incubi if you go gay.”<\/p>\n
“I think so. Um. In order, she’s apparently my type because all I’m only allowed to date is witches, but she’d be my type anyway because she’s hot. No, I do think I have an overdose. And, um, I thought I told you why I was out over beers.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, you said something crazy about a fire and a Dragon. I figured you were speaking metaphorically or metaphysically or, really, putting me on because it wasn’t any of my business.”<\/p>\n
“Hey.” <\/p>\n
“Hey, no offense, bro. You’ve gotten weird lately.” <\/p>\n
“I’m being grilled about my personal life out of the blue, but I’m the weird one. Let me just say that my personal life got kind of complicated last night. This morning.”<\/p>\n
“Um, when did you get a chance?”<\/p>\n
“My door was open when I got home,” I said.<\/p>\n
“And you met a cute police officer and … You couldn’t have spent the night in jail and had things just happen.”<\/p>\n
“And there was a girl here. My other date.”<\/p>\n
“She has a key already?”<\/p>\n
“She pointed out that she’s an emergency rescue technician or whatever fancy thing they’re calling it. They haz wayz.”<\/p>\n
“Of making you talk?”<\/p>\n
“We didn’t use a lot of words…”<\/p>\n
“Score!”<\/p>\n
“So it’s any woman who isn’t Maggie? I mean, you didn’t even ask if she was human.”<\/p>\n
“That’s, um, not something I get worried about usually. But, yeah, anyone but Maggie. She is human, right?”<\/p>\n
“Maggie? I’m not sure. Yeah. Her name’s Rohana.”<\/p>\n
“And she’s a witch?” <\/p>\n
“Well, no.”<\/p>\n
“Good.” He sounded very relieved. <\/p>\n
“Is that part of the problem?”<\/p>\n
He was quiet for a long time. “Look, totally serious, um, E. Can she turn me into a frog?”<\/p>\n
“Maggie? Probably not.”<\/p>\n
“I don’t like ‘probably.'”<\/p>\n
“I think that the odds are long against it. I am hard-pressed to conceive the situation whereupon turning you into a frog is a reasonable possibility. I just know better than to say she can’t do something because then she’ll buckle down and do it according to the laws of feminine perversity.”<\/p>\n
“Ah, you do know something about women.”<\/p>\n
“You’re the one with the scorebook, man.”<\/p>\n
“True, too true. Alright.” He took a deep breath. “I overheard her talking once. It was about a month ago, and she was, you know, girl talking.”<\/p>\n
“I’ve never met an actual ‘woman whisperer.'”<\/p>\n
“Look, there’s no real word for it. Anyway, she and some other chicks are in full out gossip mode, un-man the cannons, fire at Will and Dave and Chris, kind of thing, and your name comes up.”<\/p>\n
“My name?”<\/p>\n
“Your initial, if you must. Anyway, she said something about a spell. And one of the other girls says, `A love spell?’ and she kind of pooh-poohs the idea, but she’s doing more nodding than she is pooh-poohing.”<\/p>\n
“Big words, there, Ed. Pooh-pooh?”<\/p>\n
“I got caught up in all the estrogen or something. Anyway, I confronted her on it, and she said it was a long time ago and it wasn’t something she’d done, but she started doing that snippy, `You are a bug with a thousand legs,’ kind of look and stopped being approachable. You know, frog territory.”<\/p>\n
“Huh.” I scratched my head. “A spell.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, so I think it’s good that you can date someone else. Anyone else. It’s encouraging.”<\/p>\n
“That’s a word for it. Why didn’t you say anything?”<\/p>\n
“Hopping would make my job incredibly difficult.”<\/p>\n
“You’re still an exterminator.”<\/p>\n
“Good point. Anyway, it really was just a little bit ago, and then things went weird with you and… I’ve got your back, bro.”<\/p>\n
“No, I got you. Huh. I’d better give Sylvie a call, then. I’m supposed to have dinner with this new girl. Rohana. And she said to snazz it up, so I’ve gotta go.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, let’s get together soon.”<\/p>\n
“Totally, bro.” We said our good-byes and I stared at the phone.<\/p>\n
I brought up Sylvie’s number.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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